Down and out!

One song that surely plays in my mind!!!
It goes.........

Mama, take this badge off of me
I can't use it anymore.
It's gettin' dark, too dark to see
I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door.

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Mama, put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore.
That long black cloud is comin' down
I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door.

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door



---Bob Dylan

Colour Me Kubrick!

I'm not the man you think I am...
I'm not that kind of guy ...
beneath this sleek exterior
there's less than meets the eye.....

I'm just what you've been looking for....
your wildest dream come true....
I'm not the man you think I am....
But I'm the man for you....

I'm on important business...
I'm late for my premiere...
I'm doing you a favor
Just by being here..................

Surely you can buy a drink!
for someone so renowned....!
I'm not the man you think I am
but I'm the man you've found........

I'm burning with indifference
I'm sleeping with desire.....
I'm selling snow to Eskimos.....
I'm preaching to the choir.....

My past is catching up to me
my chips are coming due..........
I'm not the man you think I am
But I'm the man for you..................................................................................

Peace Out!

Mumbai!

The city that never sleeps.
Where people fight for almost anything.
Where competition reaches new highs everyday...where careers are made or broken in a second....where people gain or loose crores in a minute...where no one just stops....where you find a traffic jam even at 11 in the night!
Its 9 PM, there is no use playing with the code any more. It wont work now.
Wrap stuff up, pick up my bag and its exit time.
Pity the other guy who is still trying his luck with the code.
Open the office exit door and from the cool,calm quietness inside the office enter the world of honks and beeps of the outer world.
Grab a bite from the bakery shop and move on to reach home. Man sure is far away!
Feel like talking to someone, but I am a bore...I shouldnt make anyone else's life sadder!
Search for a funny message and send it to a few folks. Wish for a reply...but hey everyone's busy...dont really even wanna reply actually....dont knw wat I want to be more precise!
I wish I could say 'Beam me up Scottie' and I would be home thanks to the transporter of the Star ship enterprise.HONK!!! Back to reality.
Its 9.30, the road is packed with vehicles. Its all dug -up, cars come in from all the possible directions that geometry has to offer. Rickshaws,thousands and thousnds of rickshaws. Its like the road has been infested with these 3 wheelers. Then there are these Red Big Buses of BEST. People just hanging out of them. Hanging on for dear life. What am I doing here again?
I should be in the US checking out the white chicks...HONK!...back to reality!
Jeez its 9.30, where do all these people come from?
You try to stop these 3 wheelers to give you a ride to the station, but they just dont stop.
Its like 'dude...buzz off...i dont wanna go there!'
There are so many people out on the street. I really dont need to be out here! I can be driving in the Freeways of the US!!! (Ya nw u knw wat happens next...HONK!!!)
Mind really isnt thinking much and you just stare at people.
They all want to reach home.
Some are talking...some are running...couple holding hands and walking....yea i wish i cud hold someone's hand rtnw..i see the hotel where the TCS girl was murdered...all for the sake of love??..why kill dude...why kill ...am glad that I dont have this misery to deal with rtnw...but I am human!...strike back to reality again....search for a God-damn rick!
Damn competition to get a rick as well...
Alas my divine angel has pity on me and I get my ride till the station.
I swear I will never miss the company bus again but then again it was the 4th time in the week that i was swearing the same thing.
The station is packed too and trains are running spot on time. People still hanging out from them at this time of the hour.
I travel 1st class and I am really glad if I manage to get a space where I can manage to get both my hands up and catch the railings above!...I can expect that at this time ...its 10.45.
The ride is about 25 minutes, but it can drain out 20 litres of whatever from you!
Just glad that I am moving towards home...

People just keep moving in Mumbai. They all want to succeed. Everyone wants to succeed.
Any point and any hour people just dont quit here. Thats what I love about it.
I love the pain...i love the strangeness and I love the coldness...
I love the comfort...i love the closeness and I love the warmth that this city gives....
I love my Mumbai!

The spiritual Awakening? - the funnier side

Its 2’O clock in the morning or night (whatever you like), my eyes open up. I wake up with lots of thoughts. Have I woken up because my spirit has woken?

I realized soon that it was because I had to attend the nature’s call. Oh God! It was so refreshing, never felt so light!

All the thoughts vanished and it was only my cozy warm bed that I was thinking about then!

I breathe in and I breathe out, simply amazing isn’t it?

I go back to sleep, and then suddenly I get up with this feeling in my heart!

Is my soul restless? Is the spirit within trying to tell me anything? I keep quiet and I try to listen. A sound surely came from within and it went like…BURRP!....

Man the masala chicken that dad made sure was tasty and spicy. Shouldn’t have eaten so much though! My soul sure is restless. Hmmmm..chicken!

Anyways, have some milk and water and back to my world of paradise. I am at peace again with the world. Everything is calm and quiet .The bed is so cozy.

I enter again the blissful world of peace. Then into it again, I think I hear some noise coming from within, something eerie, something not very friendly to the ear. I know I am a sleep but I can still hear these noises. What could it possibly be?

Is this noise trying to deliver a message to me in some way? I try to focus on it. It was the worse that could be imagined. To my own horror, I had discovered what those noises exactly meant. It was me snoring. Worse than the way Kumbhukaran snored in the Ramayana. No wonder everyone closes my room’s door everytime I go to sleep!

My soul surely is restless and noisy now as well!

I accept the above fact and move on to face life again with all humility.

I close my eyes again and enter the …yea rite…the blissful world!

Some more time into it and I jump up again..

Has my soul finally awakened now?

The alarm was ringing for the third time and my dad was trying to figure out a way to shut it. The alarm sound creates nothing but chaos.

I surely did have my experience of SPIRITUAL AWAKENING!

I am a live…I am alive!

Breathe in and Breathe out….

Peace!

Keep Quiet

You have two choices: Either you follow most teachers and spend your life trying to remove or clean out the mind. First you will have to find out if the mind exists. No one has seen the mind. Even if you found it, how do you propose to clean it? Everyone is practicing cleaning the mind but there is no one so far who has cleaned it. Where is this mind to be cleaned?

The second choice is to keep quiet and you will know who really you are. This is very simple. It is not going to take you time; in fact time does not appear. There is nothing outside that can help you, you have just to keep quiet - that's all - and you will know then you are eternal. You are Eternal Existence itself.

Keep the faith!

Have you ever had an overwhelming problem or issue? Was there some circumstance in your life that seemed beyond your ability to handle it? Have you ever called out to God, guardian angels, your higher self, whatever name you give to that spirit?

Have you cried out to God for help with some crisis in your life?... Did you get help? .....When we get the help and assistance, we assume all is well in the heavens. We think, “Yahoo! Miracles really do happen!”

However, when we don’t get the answer or the help, we often conclude that there is no God.

We seem to have rolled it all up into a belief that if we visualise what we want or demand that the gods assist us in the manner we choose, then we’ll get whatever we want. What a spoiled bunch we are!.....

Positive visualisation and faith are intertwined..... You really can’t have one without the other. You cannot empower your visualisations without faith. Kind of a ‘duhhh’ statement.... Faith is not sitting around doing nothing while demanding miracles from the gods to come save you.... If you’ve made choices that have put you into a bad place, don’t yell at the gods to bail you out..... Don’t just sit there doing nothing while expecting the heavens to fix it all for you..... It’s not their job..... It’s your job.

Faith is trusting that if you work hard at finding solutions to your problems while following the Golden Rule, then things will turn out for the best. It’s believing that the gods will help you find or cultivate the solutions you need.

The Golden Rule, karma, - what comes around goes around, cause and effect - exists. If you make bad choices, bad things will happen. If you hurt people, people will hurt you. If you’re living a negative lifestyle, then cry out for the gods to come save you from your misery, you’re not likely to get any help. It’s your life, your problems. Learn, grow, heal, move forward.

You can tell your God you’re sorry for your part in creating the problem and that you’re ready to change it. Then prove it, by changing it. Your God will show itself somewhere along the way. Have faith and keep working.

Let’s assume it’s one of those times in life where you were happily going along doing your good deeds, having a positive attitude, and some nightmare blew up in your face anyway. What is your immediate response when that happens?

Do you claim there is no God and that all of your positive thoughts and deeds were of no use Do you lose faith that your God will guide you through the event? Or, do you hold strong to your God and to your positive beliefs? Do you roll up your sleeves and get to work on finding solutions? Do you even find ways to continue seeing the beauty in life while overcoming the adversity?

Negative people who don’t have much faith in themselves, in life, or in God tend to use life’ adversities as proof that they’re correct for being so pessimistic. While people who are upbeat and positive, having faith in them selves, in life, tend to use adversities to collect evidence that everything really does turn out for the best in the long run. Whether we believe in God or not doesn’t affect whether or not there is some form of God.

I can’t even say for sure that believing in God will inspire that entity to like you or help you. All I know is that when we have faith that things will get better, they usually do. When we believe things won’t get better, they don’t.

Do miracles happen? Absolutely! They happen to all kinds of people all the time. They happen regardless of religion, gender or financial position. By definition, they have a magical unexplainable mystery element that’s integral to how it came to be. Whatever that force is that causes such things to happen, it is awe inspiring.

Can you force miracles to happen by demanding them or by blackmailing your God with the underlying belief system that if your miracle isn’t delivered then you’re going to turn your back on your God? Definitely not. You can coax them by recognising them when they happen no matter how little they might be and by being thankful to whatever force you attribute them to. “Thank you for your divine intervention, whoever you are"

Aloneness!

We are greatly inconvenienced because we don't know who we are when we are alone..... With the other, things are clear.... defined. We know the name, we know the form, we know the person....Hindu, Christian, Indian, American....there are some ways to define the other. How to define yourself?

Deep down there is an abyss... undefinable emptiness. You start merging into that. It creates fear. You become frightened.

You want to rush towards the other. The other helps you to remain out. When there is nobody you are simply left with your emptiness.

Nobody wants to be alone. The greatest fear in the world is to be left alone. People do a thousand and one things just not to be left alone. You imitate your neighbours so you are just like them.

You lose your individuality, you lose your uniqueness, you just become imitators, because otherwise, you will be left alone.

To be alone is really the greatest miracle. That means now you don't belong to any church or organisation, you don't belong to any theology or ideology — socialist, communist, Hindu, Christian, Jain, Buddhist — you don't belong, you simply are.

And you have learnt how to love your indefinable, ineffable reality. You have come to know how to be with yourself.

A man who loves his aloneness is capable of love, and a man who feels loneliness is incapable of love. A man who is happy with himself is full of love, flowing.

He does not need anybody's love, hence he can give. When you are in need how can you give? You are a beggar. And when you can give, much love comes towards you.

It is a natural response. The first lesson of love is to learn how to be alone. Try it, to have the feel. Just
sit alone sometimes. That's what meditation is all about — just sitting alone, doing nothing.

If you start feeling lonely then there is something missing in your being, then you have not been able yet to understand who you are.

Then go deeper into this loneliness until you come to a layer when suddenly loneliness transforms itself into aloneness. Loneliness is the negative aspect of aloneness.

If you go deeper into it one moment is bound to come when suddenly you will start feeling the positive aspect of it. Because both aspects are always together.
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Excerpted from The Discipline of Transcendence, courtesy Osho International
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Let Go...

We tend to cling to every object in our lives. We hold on to our profession, relationship or possession as if our entire world depends on them. We are so busy clinging to our own lives, that we have forgotten to live with the flow. We are afraid to move ahead, afraid to let go.

Life in essence is like an unobstructed, unrestrained, uncontrolled flow of a river. Life flows at its own pace and the ultimate source of all our pain and sufferings is our tendency to cling to and obstruct the flow. Life stagnates, relationships are broken, possessions are lost; all because we refused to let go when we were actually required to let things take their own course.

Why do we cling? We cling because change scares us; we cling because we are afraid to face the unknown, to face challenges; we cling because we feel secure if the stalemateness is maintained; we cling because we refuse to believe that life can never be static; because we refuse to accept the transience of everything; we believe that everything is in our hands. We do not have enough faith in life and that higher force which is omnipotent and omnipresent. In the chaos of existence, we have lost touch with our higher self. Most of us lead a life which is similar to that of a child who is lost in a crowd, separated from his guardians. He has nobody to place his faith on. He is afraid, insecure, suspicious about everyone and everything.

We live under the false illusion of having everything under our control. The spirit of getting things done becomes a problem when we continue to cling on even after we have exhorted all our efforts. We are overwhelmed by a sense of despair and disillusion when things move beyond our control. It is at this stage we need to learn to let go. Several times relationships are broken just because we tried too hard to make them work. We didn't give the breathing space they required to grow. We didn't let go and let them take their own course.

Once all the efforts are made towards achieving a goal, we must learn to let go and let life take the best course. It might or might not be of one's choice, but if we have faith, we will realise that it inevitably is the best course. We need to believe that forces above us are far better equipped to make judgments for us. We must learn to have faith in their judgment. Letting go, however, does not mean turning into a fatalist. One cannot sit idle in life and expect life to take care of itself. Karma, the fulfilment of one's duties is the ultimate objective of all human existence and if we fail to fulfill our duties towards life, life inevitably fails us.

Human Humility

A common argument against religion is that it doesn't work. By that we mean that religion does not guarantee happiness, or even comfort, in times of distress. Strange as it may seem, those who have firm faith often tell us that religion is not meant to bring happiness.

Hinduism sometimes seems to suggest that unhappiness is inevitable. The Gita says the world is "the abode of sorrow" and describes the world as "a wild and terrible forest" and a "prison". However, there is so much beauty for which we should give thanks for.

I feel part of something infinitely large. This is a comforting experience because it puts my ego in place, silences my self-importance, yet does not tell me i am of no importance. There is so much which is closer to home that we should give thanks for — family, friends, and of course food, the achievements of science and technology, too. There is the gift of life itself, without which we could not enjoy all that has been given to us.

But life is not always enjoyable and God does not necessarily comfort us in bad times. There are times when we suffer apparently through no fault of our own and we can't understand how a God who should be comforting us is inflicting such suffering on us. There are also times when we are convinced that God can't possibly want to have anything to do with us, the times when we are thoroughly ashamed of ourselves.

Perhaps the answer to the riddle of unhappiness lies in the unfashionable virtue of humility, but a balanced humility, which represses self-esteem without falling into the miserable state of self hatred that is responsible for so much depression these days. Humility teaches that we can never fully understand the ways of God, that he never gives us certainty.

We can never have the comfort of certainty about the ways of God, nor precise answers to the question "Why is this happening?" But we can have deep within us faith to see us through times when there doesn't seem anything to be grateful for. If we have the faith to believe all things shall be well even when at the time they are far from well we will find that religion does work, that God does not desert us.

Cool dude ... yea rite!

All events and characters are fictious and any resemblance to real life is purely co-incidental!

Its Sunday again.... and i am up by 8!..damn sundays
Gotta exam!....another MOCK CAT...another day where I go write a exam and perform pathetically....IIM dream fading away....
I wished I had studied more during the week and specially yesterday....
NAhh... me too lazy!
Anyways, i drive dwn till the exam with only my icard and a HB pencil. I always borrow the sharpener and rubber...
Walk down the classroom and take the usual last bench!
This nice cute lookin chic comes in.
Class room is kindof full but always the back benches are mostly empty.
She cmes der and sits in the bench next to me...
Looks at me and smiles...
I give a controlled smile...:D...
She waves her hand towards me... i look...she makes an indication of something writing...
"Oh the poor babes didnt get a pencil... she needs a pencil..."
But there is a slight problem...I got only one pencil...
I act cool and look at her like things are under control...
I break my one pencil into two and move to give her the pointed part and ask for a sharpner from the dude sitting in front of me....
Wow hw cool right?!....
Well...had i paid more attention I should have realised that she was actually trying to indicate that she needed a sharpener and on mre close observation found that she had atleast 4 pencils wid her!...
I started talkin to the guy in frnt of me as if I knew him since childhood!...thanks fr the sharpener dude!
The girl was in a guffaw!...Didnt look at her but threw my side glance I could see white teeth shining!!!
I ROCK!


Peace!

Desperate Hearts...desperate hearts...its Amazing!!

These are the lyrics of the aerosmith song:-

sure tells a story....

I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die


It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive

Desperate hearts, desperate hearts

Happy?

Are you happy?
What makes u happy...

If I was a millionaire, I would be happy!
If I had a beautiful sexy girl friend, I would be happy!
If I had the perfect body, I would be happy!
If only someone would understand me will I be happy!
If I get a great college,great job I would be happy!

So one day, I pass out from the best college,have a gr8 body,find someone who is beautiful and sexy. And yea, I am a millionaire!

I am supposed to be happy then rite!
I got what I wanted! ... I am happy...i am happy....
hell shit I am happy...I want more!.... There are people who got more than me!....
I wanna be better!....what I have now is nothing....there is so much more out there to grab!
Why settle for good, when u can have much better rite?!
Hey I am not sounding happy am I?
When will I be happy now?!

The gyaan starts now....
Well...
To be happy...the 'I' factor never comes.
Life is bigger. Life is bigger than you!( yes i knw the wrds are frm... REM losing my religion song)
The only time when anyone was happy was till when she/he was a year old.
Have you seen that smile on a child's face.
Its pure, its innocent, it is free,it has no pretence, it just expresses how that baby feels at that point of time.
It was so simple to get that smile, why all u did was make a funny face, that made the child 'happy' and it gave out the purest outcome of being happy...the smile!
He is happy,he is content,he needs nothing more.


So what am I getting at?...AM i the one who is gonna tell u how to be happy??....
I am no sage,i am no guru, I have not been to the himalayas... and I dont proclaim that I know the secret of happiness!
I am the regular normal pycho 22 year old guy who has just seen life from his point of view and guess who feels a lot more than others.
Yea I do feel... and I am pathetic at expressing it!...
So am 'I' happy...the answer is Nahh...not a chance!
The reason is that I am a human being!
We all are!...hence we all are not happy...

Saw this movie of Will Smith called Pursuit of Happiness....Its such a true story about everyones life....
No matter what you do...no matter how hard u try.... at some point of time you cant be happy...
Its such a weird thing....we have a million reasons to be happy in life and yet we remain sad for the fewest and the weirdest of all the reasons.

Well all I want to say is... the more u make ur life complex the more tough it becomes to be at peace with urself....the tougher it gets to be happy.
We humans have this urge,we have the greed...all we think is about ourselves...All we do is expect...
We expect from everyone...and therein lies the heart of all the misery.
Humans are endowed with so many emotions.
We are not capable of handling so many emotions....Life certainly would have been easier had we not had any emotions...

Am not saying that we shud not have any ambitions...that we shudnt aim high in life...
We shud be fierce...we shud compete...we shud try all our best....only thing is remain sane at the end of it... To be able to understand life even when u have reached where u wanted to be!
More than half of the people dont even have a clue what their destination is....

The best way to be happy is to forget about yourself.
Never think just only about yourself.
You are connected with so many other things...
Have u ever felt that joy when u helped someone...and the gratitude and the feeling of thankfulness the person gives u...the blessing that he showers on u........
the feeling that someone smiled becoz of u.... thats happiness!
To make someone at peace...to make his/her life more easier...to know the person is doing better because of u...that feeling...that inner nice calm soothing feeling is happiness.

Not to expect a thing back!...now this is the difficult part....and still remain happy is a very difficult thing to achieve....


It would be one heck of an achievement for someone to come up to this level...
I have been trying and have been failing miserably....
How can anyone not expect...how can anyone not feel!
Feelings and emotions is what is the cause!

Well I havent reached any conclusion even though i conclude this....Its an ongoing battle!
I am game for it!

Peace!